Goldi's Locks of Yarn

My place to discuss my raging obsession with yarn and crochet along with happenings in my life and the world at large

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Frustration is my middle name...

I seem to be good at doing a disappearing act lately, sorry about that. Maybe my mood lately is partly due to PMS, maybe not (I'll admit, grudgingly, that the depression isn't helping either), but when I consider my current situation it seems like no matter what I do, I keep running into roadblock after roadblock. I've cut way back with my online time as performance issues with my isp has deteriorated to the point where I can't stand sitting here waiting and waiting and waiting... and WAITING for pages to load, or emails to download, or even an email to go on it's way out the door once I've clicked "send". I have monkeyed with my computer to death - in fact, this is the THIRD incarnation on this particular machine, and I spent a good deal of time on a backup machine while waiting for this last "rebuild my whole system from scratch" incarnation - and had the same woes on that one too. It was right around that time that I finally figured out that the problem does not reside with my equipment or software, but with the service. If I could afford cable or another service, I would switch to it, but I can't. So I just crawl along with my ever-increasingly lousy service and find myself less and less motivated to drum up the patience for it. I just plain don't have time for this anymore! And to think I was contemplating trying to find a work at home situation! Hah!

Adding to the frustration quotient with my computer is a keyboard and mouse that are both wearing out and in need of replacement after many long years of good service. They are both still working, but many of my typos are due to keystrokes not registering (can't blame that for the flipped letters and missing words though, unfortunately - that's purely operator error), and the mouse is displaying some similar problems. I just hope they both hold out for awhile since I can't replace them yet, and I don't care for the backup units I have on hand - those are strictly for emergency purposes only.

Then, there's me. Every day, I'll start out with a long laundry list of to do's, only to be lucky if I manage to cross one or two off the list by the end of the day, in spite of my best intentions. I swear I am the world's greatest procrastinator! I just can't seem to get the engine to kick in. And if procrastination doesn't bite me in the butt and leave me with a daily lack of things accomplished, something else manages to crop up to do it for me. Monday, it was my eye.

This happened once before, a few weeks ago (can't recall exactly how long ago, my sense of time is totally warped). I woke up with a burning, stinging pain in my eye and the feeling like there was something in it, causing me to tear incessantly, along with a running faucet for a nose (only on the side of the affected eye). Attempts at irrigation with saline solution only resulted in loud howling on my part as it felt like I'd just poured acid into my eye!

I had very important errands I HAD to accomplish on my "to do" list that day. And I couldn't see, thanks to my inflamed eye, never mind trying to drive with it. I couldn't get anything done that day. My eye didn't improve enough to allow me some functionality until well into the evening and by then it was too late, so then I just poured it on with my current project with the hope of making some major progress with that at least. I'm working on the pineapple shawl pattern that I had been RAOKd over a year ago, using a wonderful textured cotton yarn I received as a free bonus with an ebay order several months ago, and managed to get 3 long rows accomplished. For whatever reason, before I prepared to start on my 4th row, I decided to review what I had done and discovered, much to my horror, that I had screwed up on the FIRST row! Not just once, but TWICE, on either end of the row! Talk about demoralizing! Due to the nature of these errors, there was no way to fudge it without frogging everything - believe me, I tried to figure out a way. So I ended my night of crocheting by undoing everything I'd accomplished and leaving a nice big pile of loose yarn next to my project on the couch, gave it up and went to bed.

Well, last night I managed to get those 3 rows redone, add one more and start on a 5th before heading off to bed, and I am being much more careful about checking my work before continuing each row. This yarn I'm using is highly textured and, though not impossible, is a real bitch to frog, so I'd like to avoid any more major sessions with this project. But at least the shawl is working out to be quite spectacular looking, so at least there's one thing I can be pleased about. Here's a couple of shots I took of my progress with it as of last Sunday afternoon:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Since those pictures were taken, I've managed to reach the point where I have two completed "rows" of pineapples with the third over halfway done and am about to start the fourth series. I'll see if I can post some updated WIP shots of it later this week, hoping to have at least 4 completed pineapple rows to show for it. Hopefully I can also find a good background that won't also swallow all the available light - those pics were taken outside in full sunlight, even though it was late afternoon, but the dark purple blanket I spread the shawl on seemed to suck up ALL the light! But you should still be able to get a good idea of the detail on this thing.

Okay, I am still working on trying to write up another message for posting here, with the report on my best friend's visit last week, which includes pics of the gifts I made for her. Maybe I'll finish that later today. I haven't even touched on my struggles as far as a job hunt go, which has been a major contributor to my crappy mood lately as well, but this message is already far too long, again, and even thinking about that situation causes the panic to rise. I can't tell you how many times I've started to write up messages for this blog only to fizzle out and draft them, seemingly forever! In the frame of mind I've been in lately, I usually prefer to just hibernate until I feel better, since I'd rather not fill up this blog with negative rants and whines like this one. But sometimes ya just gotta, and I've found it sometimes helps to get the needed energies kicked back into gear, so I'm hoping this will do it. We'll see.


  • At 12:28 PM, Blogger sara said…

    goldi, that shawl is going to be so beautiful


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